During the current global pandemic, many singles are turning to Zoom or other video chat applications as an alternative to in-person dating. Some even swear the online format is better, taking away some of the pressure and expectations of meeting in person.
Sounds perfect right?
Not so fast.
We spoke to four women who, while excited about the prospect of finding love in the time of quarantine, had the worst first dates of their lives on Zoom. Here’s what they said.
1. “His mom was whispering encouragements to him the whole time.” (Kelsey, 27)
“It was awful. She kept saying things like ‘quit slouching’ or ‘ask her if she likes raisins’. I don’t think his Mom knew I could hear her, but I definitely could.
At one point I heard her yell from the kitchen, ‘DO YOU WANT PAPRIKA ON YOUR TUNA SALAD, SWEETIE!?’. He ignored it, probably hoping I wouldn’t hear. A minute later she yelled again, ‘IM PUTTING THE PAPRIKA IN. SPEAK NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE.’”
When asked how she felt about paprika, Kelsey responded, “Oh I used to love paprika. But ever since that date, I can’t stomach it.”
2. “We had our zoom date while he was in the middle of an at-home gym session.” (Megan, 33)
“I was describing my dream of opening my own french-canadian inspired cupcakery when he interrupted and said, ‘Hold that thought. Gotta do another set’, and proceeded to do bicep curls right in front of the camera. Halfway through the set he whispered ‘curls for the girls’ and winked at the camera.”
“At one point he somehow dropped a dumbbell on his foot and scrambled to mute his microphone in time so that I couldn’t hear him scream.”
If a bro drops a dumbbell on his foot during quarantine, and nobody is around to hear him scream, did he really make a sound?
3. “His zoom background was a video of the entire opening credits sequence to the beloved 90’s sitcom Full House.” (Emily, 27)
“I thought it was cute when I first saw it, especially because Full House was one of my favorite TV shows growing up. But then when I said, ‘You must really like Full House’, his eyes misted over as he looked into the distance and replied, ‘Danny Tanner was the father I never had.’
After that I stayed away from the Full House subject, but throughout the date I found myself distracted by John Stamos’s tantalizing smile every time it appeared on screen.”
Too bad you can’t date John Stamos, Emily! Curse his tantalizing smile…
4. “Halfway through the date his webcam ‘malfunctioned’, but I could clearly hear him playing video games in the background.” (Lacey, 24)
“I was telling him the story of how I almost died in a paddle-boating accident when all of a sudden his screen went black.
I was like, ‘Hello? Can you hear me?’ and he was like: ‘Oh that’s weird. Camera’s not working anymore. But go ahead and finish your story’. So I kept talking, but then I heard rapid clicking sounds and muttered curse words.”
I asked him what that clicking sound was and he said, ‘Oh, I’m just figuring out the camera. Keep talking.’ But then I clearly heard explosions and gunshots in the background.”
When asked if she considered whether or not her story was just really boring, giving her date no other choice but to turn off his webcam and play video games, Lacey replied: “How dare you. That’s my best story. Whose side are you on anyway?”
We’re on the side of telling good stories, Lacey.
Well, if that’s not enough to get you excited about the world of Zoom dating, I don’t know what is!
Let us know about your video chat dating experiences (good or bad) in the comments below!