Woman Overwhelmed By Infinite Amount of Shampoo Options Shaves Her Head

On Thursday, a 29-year-old woman had a meltdown in the shampoo aisle of her local drugstore, prompting her to shave her head. Instead of choosing a new shampoo, she chose baldness. 

“I dyed my hair 7 times this year, and I have flat-ironed it every day since I was 13. It’s normally frizzy, curly, and mousy brown, but I’ve maintained it at a pin-straight platinum blonde for about 16 years,” said the woman. “I was looking for something that would add volume and extra moisture for my locks, while also keeping the color intact.”

Her current shampoo (which shall not be named since they are, in fact, a sponsor of this blog), wasn’t doing her any favors. Thus, she went into her local drugstore with the intent of settling on a new brand. 

“I wandered up and down the hair-care aisle at my drugstore for hours, reading bottle after bottle. I finally narrowed it down to ‘Sal Fitchell’s sulfate-free coconut-milk curl rejuvenator for frizzy, dead mange” and “Mare Hair’s cucumber-melon hydrant for limp and flaky follicles, now with extra parabens“ and began galloping like the horse on Mare Hair’s logo through the aisles, shoving the two bottles in customers’ faces yelling “WHICH ONE? WHICH ONE?”, when the store closed down for the night, causing me to crumble on the floor in a sobbing heap of frustration without purchasing a thing. The minute I got home I fired up my boyfriend’s razor, and here I am, lock-less and free.” 

The goal, she claims, is to never have to decide between hair-care products again. “I have spent at least 16 years of my life obsessing over my hair, and now I don’t have a care in the world. Imagine how I can spend all of that time I would’ve spent washing and styling my hair? I have never been happier.”

When asked how she’ll wash her newly-shaved bald head, the woman responded, “Wait, I still have to wash this thing?” 

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