By As the world slowly returns back to normal this summer- or, at least, a new normal- you may have forgotten what it’s like to casually chat up another human being at a party. Don’t get caught up in an awkward, dead end conversation about which vaccine you got or how much you’re dreading returning back to the office again! Read on for some easy, enticing conversation topics you can bring to the party.
- What did you want to be when you were growing up?
- What do you do for fun?
- When was the last time you had a really good laugh? What were you laughing about?
- What would you do with one million dollars?
- If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
- How old were you when you realized that all effort is futile and that life has no meaning?
- Who let the dogs out?
- Who?
- Who?
- Who?
- Who?
- Who?
- What was the name of your first childhood pet?
- How old were you when you realized your childhood was over?
- How old were you when you realized that the song who let the dogs out is about men catcalling women at a party and the women responding by shouting back “who let the dogs out?”
- Have you ever been catcalled before?
- We always ask who let the dogs out, but have we ever stopped to ask why let the dogs out?
- And why “who let the dogs out?” Why must that infuriatingly catchy song exist?
- And why do humans exist, if all effort is futile and life has no meaning?
- …
- So uhh, did you catch that game last night? You know, that important sports game, that everyone is talking about? It was crazy what they did out there. And to think that team made it this far? I mean, psh. Come on. Incredible.
- …
- What are you drinking?
- Why are you drinking? Why do we drink in these situations? Are these parties so bad we have to put poison in our bodies just to make it bearable?
- …
- I’m sorry. I need to step out and get some air. This is my first post-Covid party, and I’m extremely nervous. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to talk to people or something…
- You walk to the sliding door, the passageway to the host’s backyard, a full drink in hand. It’s dark out there, and you can’t see anything; everyone else is inside. You unlock the door and gently start to slide it open…
- CRASH! SMACK! BLAM!
- Three massive dogs come barreling at you. They knock you backwards onto the floor. Your drink flies into the air, raining down on you.
- BARK! WOOF! RUFF!
- One of them steps on your stomach, knocking the wind out of you. You groan in pain.
- AHHH! 30 party guests scream in terror.
- It’s an all out blitz. Party guests jump onto sofas and tables. Dogs jump after them, knocking them to the floor. Slices of cheese and salami from the charcuterie board fly through the air, as the largest dog jumps and catches them in his mouth. Drinks spill everywhere. The floor is now a slip ‘n slide of drool, beer, and oh God whose blood is that!? The last thing you hear as you lie on the floor, your vision fading to black, is one lone voice, yelling above the chaos:
- “WHO LET THE DOGS IN!?”
Meta Miss 