22 New Year’s Resolutions for 2022

Don’t have a New Year’s resolution for 2022 yet? No problem! Here are some ideas:

1. Exercise three times a week.
2. Choose one day of the week to go vegetarian.
3. Finish that paint-by-numbers kit that you started at the beginning of COVID-19.
4. Learn at least one song on the banjo.
5. Meditate for at least ten minutes every day (here are some apps to help you out).
6. Reduce your daily screen time by at least thirty minutes.
7. Choose a positive affirmation and remind yourself of it every day.
8. Call your grandparents more often.
9. Start a bluegrass band with your newfound banjo playing abilities.
10. Start a blog.
11. Make a new friend.
12. Choose a name for your bluegrass band and practice weekly. (acceptable names include Bobcat Thunder or The Fat Bottomed Gals)
13. Did I say practice weekly? I meant practice daily. Sometimes twice a day. The bluegrass industry is no joke: there’s a barrier to entry for new bluegrass bands, and seeing as how you just picked up the banjo this year, you’re gonna have to practice a LOT.
14. Listen to at least an hour of modern bluegrass music daily to get a sense of the current competition.
15. Aim for eight hours of sleep every night.
16. Stay hydrated! Try to drink at least eight glasses of water a day.
17. Book your first bluegrass gig at a country western bar.
18. Kick Susie out of the band when she butchers the harmonies during the first song in the gig. (you knew she’d be trouble when she showed up late to the first day of practice anyway. should’ve cut her loose a long time ago).
19. It’s your fourth gig at the country western bar in town. There’s been quite a hoopla around town already about The Bobcat Thunder Fat Bottomed Gals. The stir has spread to nearby towns too, and ‘Ol Hank Stanley from Blue River Records decided to drive down to see what all the fuss was about. You better not mess this up.
20. You and the band play your rendition of “Amazing Grace”. There isn’t a dry eye in the bar. ‘Ol Hank Stanley pulls a hanky from his coat pocket to wipe his eyes, then takes a sip of his Bud Light. After the show he meets you backstage. He wants to sign you on to Blue River Records. There’s a catch though: he wants you only for a solo project. If you choose to accept, you’ll need to move to the studio in the big city on the other side of the country, where you won’t be able to play with the band for quite some time. You tell him thank you, and that you’ll think about it.
21. Once ‘Ol Hank and the rest of the audience has filtered out, it’s just you and your fat bottomed gals. Boy, you think. If I’d never picked up that banjo for my new year’s resolution, I never would’ve made it this far: about to get a whole record deal and everything. Shucks. You look at Martha. And Janice. And Caroline. Come to think of it, you never would’ve made it this far without a single one of them. Without Martha’s bass vocals, your harmonies lacked depth. Without Janice’s harmonica skills, would you really have been able to accomplish that traditional bluegrass sound? And Caroline? Caroline was a better fiddle player than the devil himself. Playin music just ain’t worth it without these gals. You make your decision.
22. Three months later, you’ve sold out the country western bar. People are flocking from towns all over the state to see The Bobcat Thunder Fat Bottomed Gals. They see you, Martha, Janice, and Caroline up on that stage, banging out your original song “Kentucky Mountain Turkey”. Even ‘Ol Hank Stanley is there. You see him backstage. He asks you one more time if you’d like to come with him to the big city and make that solo record. You scoff, and repeat to him the new year’s positive affirmation that you have been saying to yourself every day this year: “I am living my own version of happiness. I am wise and I trust my intuition. I am complete as is.”